Blog Archives

Just Ride

Your life is a moving vehicle and you decide who rides with you.

Torn

I’m honestly at a loss for words right now. I’m happy, excited, nervous, sad, scared and angry at the same time. I just feel like I’m being pulled in every possibly direction and no matter what I do, I will never be able to make those I care about happy. I want to crawl into a hole and emerge at a future date when enough time has passed. I don’t like this feeling one fucking bit.

Welcome to life. It sometimes sucks!

My Life

Its been a while since I’ve last posted on here. At this present moment in time I’m the happiest I’ve been in a long long time 😀

More to come soon, but I’m really excited for this year. Big changes are coming and I’m fully ready for them all.

The Loss of a Mother

Two years ago today, one of my dearest and closest friends lost her mother. Two years…. It’s strange how quick time has gone by.

I can’t even begin to imagine the feeling of losing a mother. Or father. I would be devastated and wouldn’t know how to function. The thought scares me because I know that my parents won’t be here with me forever. I know I will have to face that one day and it doesn’t ever get easier. More for me because my father has been ill for many years and has been in and out of the hospital with a couple of scares along the way.

I cried earlier, as I wrote in a card I will give to my friend and her family. I can’t remember the last time I cried, but all the memories I had with her mother just came flooding in and out poured the tears.

RIP Anita. I know that heaven has gained one of its most beautiful angels I’ve had the pleasure of meeting on this Earth.

Friendships

I miss the days of being young and carefree. No texting. No twitter. No Facebook. And yes….. even no Myspace. Back during a time where actual phone conversions were considered the norm. Back in a time where I had to memorize phone numbers to contact people. As much as I love social media, it changed things. It makes me sad for many of the young kids today as they live in a world where technology is so advanced that they have begun to lose their imaginations.

Thinking of the past made me think of some old friends. I sometimes wonder how different things would be if I still maintained certain friendships I have lost. I’m happy where I am, but once in a while, my mind slips away thinking of how things could have been.

Friends come and go, and It’s not necessarily a bad thing since we are always growing. Life happens, and when it does, we are all forced to make choices. These choices affect our relationships and certain people just sometimes begin to slip through the cracks, or are just completely cut out.

I have always wanted to be someone who had a ton of friends. For some reason, I’ve always associated having lots of friends with being content in life. It took some time, but I finally realized that it became less important to have a ton of friends, and more important to have real ones.

James Dean

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James Dean. The rebel. The icon. A legend. By far one of my favorite actors to ever grace the screen. I wonder how much he would have accomplished if it were not for that fatal car accident in Cholame, California.

On a whim years ago, I went to visit the fatal car crash site where he had died. I had gone with my neighbor to buy some comics and driving home we joked about going. At that time, my interest in Jimmy had emerged again and I was having marathons of his films. We joked how we were going to just take off and go visit the site since there was a monument erected in his honor and we had always wanted to see it in person. We didn’t even go home. We just picked up his friend last minute and took off!

We drove north from Los Angeles until we finally reached our destination: Cholame. There is a small little diner next to where the monument is placed. We decided to take pictures and head inside to eat.

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The monument itself has shown the wear of time. Numbers are missing, but it’s still standing after many decades. Once we went inside the diner, we noticed how homely it was. There were many magazine articles, pictures, and a reprint of the newspaper showcasing the story of his death. We weren’t too hungry, so we bought coffee and some “homemade” pie. Upon eating the pie, we noticed that it had a very familiar taste. It took a while but Kidvic’s (my neighbor) friend finally realized it tasted like Jell-O pudding. Home-made my ass!!

We bought a few souvenirs and decided to head back home soon. Driving home I saw a road sign that had Jimmy’s name on it. I pulled over because I just HAD to take a picture.

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Content with finally going to this location, we headed back home.

I’m glad I was able to visit this monument in person. It was surreal knowing that I was near the same place that Jimmy died over 50 years ago. His legacy lives on now in film and in his iconic quotes still used to this day. He truly did live fast and died young.

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